Balance

 

Usually I put my education to use on this blog, writing about health issues that affect women.  My mother-in-law recently told me that she got her Tdap vaccine, so at least someone is reading it.  Anyway, this time I'm blogging about something from which we can all benefit, finding that elusive balance between work and personal life.

After a particularly brutal 24 hours of call on Monday, I found myself feeling a little burned out.  There were several trips through the night, in the cold, to different hospitals, and I was getting paged roughly every hour.  I was tired.  This time of year, it's always that way for me.  I usually chalk it up to a lack of sunshine, ingestion of too many carbohydrates, and decreased physical activity.  But, I had an epiphany yesterday.  I hadn't found balance.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE what I do.  I have spent 4 years of undergraduate education, 4 years of medical school, and 6 1/2 years of residency to get me to where I am today.  All of this recently culminated in the completion of my board certification in OB/GYN.  For the past 18 months, I have been preparing for the oral board exam.  This required travel to board prep courses, studying, and sitting before board examiners while they picked my brain about how I practice medicine.  It was associated with a significant amount of anxiety.  My family and I sacrificed a lot during this time, but it was all worth it. 

There's nothing more gratifying and humbling than helping a new life come in to this world safely.  As I was introducing myself to one of my partner's patients the other night, she asked me how many babies I'd delivered (she thought I looked too young to be a doctor, LOVE that!).  Anyway, I was thinking it's got to be close to 2000!  For those of you who have witnessed a birth, it really is a miracle.   It still doesn't get old for me.  I have an incredible career.

So, why do I feel unsatisfied sometimes? 

On Saturday afternoon, I took my daughter to see "Les Miserables" at the movie theater.  Yes, I know, that movie came out a long time ago, but I hadn't made time to see it, and I was making a mad dash to see at least a few movies before the Oscars on Sunday.  Wow.  I found myself tearing up as Eponine sang "A Little Fall of Rain".  That's what life's about.  Feeling.  I love that musical.

In my younger years, I was kind of "artsy". I used to play piano, sing, dabbled in theater, and danced. I even considered a double major in music and biology in college, right up until I figured out it would take at least 6 years to graduate. But because I have been so focused in on my family, training, and career, I have let that part of me disintegrate.

That's when it struck me.  The "scientist" and "artist" are not two distinct aspects of me, but instead compliment each other perfectly.   If I let one part dwindle, the other suffers too.  For a sense of well-being, I must find that balance. 

Now that the boards are over, I plan to brush up on my piano-playing skills.  I'll spend more time with my kids, and really listen to them.  I'm going to participate in the Metro Omaha Medical Society's music parody show "The M.E.S.S. Club" in April.  (I'll also work on being more physically active, and stop eating so many darn carbs). 

This is one of my all-time favorite quotes:

I hope to be able to continue to find that perfect balance between work and personal life.  I hope to be able to teach my children to do it too.  Take some time to find it for yourself.  Figure out what it is that makes you feel joy, a sense of accomplishment, or just relaxation.  Don't let only one aspect of your life take over.  Life is too short.